Past

She turned the computer back on. Should she go to Wholesaleinsurance.net or just forget about it. Could they track her if she purchased insurance. Or could she just give them some random address like they did in the movies and still cash in when she needed it the most.

She could use it as part of her escape, but they'd want more information. They wouldn't just send her a check and call it good. They would want to investigate and she couldn't afford to have anyone looking into her past.

Years Ago

My uncle who was married into the family, had a nephew who could have benefited from an acne scar removal product had it been as available 19 years ago as it is today.

I remember him well because his scars were very bad and I often wondered how much it affected his social life. I know I remember one of my cousins whispering behind his back about his acne problem and how gross it looked, so I can only imagine how hurtful strangers were to him.

I know I'm thankful I don't have acne scars, even though I can admit to the occasional crazy pimple breakout, thanks to work. I just hope for those who are suffering through those teenage and even adult hormone scars today, that you'll keep your head high no matter how bad the situation seems.

Thinking of the Past

It really amazes me how life can move on, but there are still moments when you remember bits and peices of the past, even if they're not all great.

One of the times I remember was going to bingo and karaoke with an old neighbor years ago. I didn't have really any friends and she was nice to hang out with. Of course that friendship ended when she decided to use me as a cover for her devious adventures unknown to her husband. But one of the memories that really stands out is the sports car her husband bought her. It was bright shiny red and really nice. She drove it past my house and showed it off.

It's funny because it was Ferrari parts that brought up that memory. I don't even know why. I wasn't jealous of her vehicle. For one, her husband decided not to buy it. Which was a good idea given the end circumstances! Still, I often wonder whatever became of the two, yet I really don't want to waste my time finding out. Does that make any sense?

Rude Dudes

It's not often that I feel sorry for someone from my past, but tonight I did. I won't go into details, but one thing that opened up my eyes... There's a time and place for giving advice... Which is fine... But pushing it to the extreme and telling someone what they're going to do and if they don't (you get the idea)... is a big ass no no. Especially when it doesn't concern the person doing the telling.

So dude, lay off. One of these days you might not like being told by that person to F*** Off!!!!!

When Will It All End? Stop The Hate.

As I was walking to our local convenience store late last night, a car drove by and the person inside shouted what I swear was the word Nigger towards me. Now I am far from African American, so this actually stunned me. There were also no other people around, so I knew the hateful word was not addressed to someone else. After I got past my sudden reaction, I became very angry. I have not heard that word in a very long time, nor do I want to hear it again. I am not racist and I will never be.

It did occur to me however that even though many people I actually know may not say the word allowed, they are still racist in some sense. I remember when I was in high school, a friend of mine who is African American, asked if she could get a ride home with me. I knew she lived on the other side of town and it was pouring down rain. Not thinking it would be a problem with my father we walked to the car and I mentioned to my father that my friend needed a ride home. The look on his face was not a pleasant experience and I remember him shaking his head in anger as he told me no and to get in the car.

I was embarrassed and I remember turning to my friend and apologizing. I stayed silent all the way home, but the very next day when I saw my friend at school, I was reminded of yesterday's events. My friend asked if my father was racist. I had no excuse for him, but I did apologize to my friend for his behavior. It still bothers me to this day.

About a year ago my father-in-law's girlfriend and I were walking past an apartment complex that was not far from where we lived at the time. I noticed her picking up her pace and then she said, that's where the black people live. I don't remember what she said after that, but I remember her being very negative about the families that lived there. It really bothered me and I defended them. I thought my defending them would end the conversation. It did for the rest of that day, but I remember another day at home after that when she mentioned, "them black people" again.

Instead of my usual defense, I took another approach and put her and everyone in the room in shock. I simply told her that I have African American family members. I never bothered to tell her they were related by marriage, but it did not matter to me. She quickly stopped her remarks and I never heard another racist word from her again.

It isn't just African Americans that I hear racist remarks against. Not too long ago I was out with in-laws when the word wet back was used in conversation. I cringed and brought up the fact that I have friends who are of Hispanic Heritage. I also pointed this out to my husband who hadn't spoken up. I brought it up again later, not appreciative of the remarks. I know for a fact that he has friends who are also Hispanic, so I'm not sure why he didn't say so during the conversation. All he could say to me was, "I know." Now if someone had uttered a racist word against my in-laws Native American Heritage, they'd be all over that person.

It also bothers me that we judge others for things that have happened in the past because of our ancestors. Those today cannot change what our ancestors have done to one another in the past. Yes, we can apologize but sometimes I wonder if this is even enough.

I wonder if this world will ever change their hate for one another. I wonder if someday we can just live for the present, for the future and stop living for the past. Teach our children to respect one another. Not to Hate, but to Stop the hatred. To Change The Future and make this world a better place.

What He Does Not Say

It gets tiring when he does not say what needs to be said. I don't know if he's afraid or simply selfish because he does not want to lose what he already has. Maybe he is afraid that everything and everyone will be taken away from him.

I know he is not happy for something in his past has bothered him for so long. I know that if he continues down this road he will eventually destroy everything he has tried to keep dear to him. Keeping things away from others, hiding and closing friendships to hide the hurt will only go so far.

Stop and think. It is not you that you hurt, but others around you as well. Someday I hope he will understand. Someday I hope he will realize before it is too late. Before life is no more. Someday. I just hope that someday is not too late.